What is bliss? Bliss to me, is a place where you are happy about most (if not all) aspects of your life. You are working in space that makes you excited. You enjoy most if not all of your day and you look forward to the next day. Each day is full and when you end it, you feel fulfilled. You live in joy.
The past 10 years have taught me a great deal about how to look for and find my bliss and I’m proud to say that I’m happier than I can ever remember being. So I want to share 5 top tips with you. If you were able to join my webinar, we worked together and talked through my experiences as well as other’s. If you weren’t able to join, I would encourage you to listen to the recording (scroll to the bottom) and hear from people who are looking for the same bliss you are.
My vision for staring these online webinars was to also show everyone that you are not alone. We are in this together.
Starting with five –
5. Have a Willingness to Try and Fail
So often we hold ourselves back from anything because of a fear of failure. But when you’re searching for what you want, you can’t hold onto the belief that failure is bad. Because the reality is, that you will fail and you will have to keep going until you find whatever you’re looking for.
So I would encourage you to change your perspective:
Failure is not the end
Failure is not a bad thing
Failure is a good thing
Reframe your failure to be a positive experience
Five years ago I quit my job to take the MCAT and apply to medical school. I took about 8 months off work and fully dedicated my life to high scores, great essays and 20 MD and DO applications. I spent my savings and I spent a lot of money on prep classes, study materials and applications. But I never got in, and it sent me into a huge depression and denial. I spent 2 years putting off facing the failure and coming to terms with it. But when I finally did, I realized that I didn’t really want to be a doctor. I wanted to spend time with my patients and really have the time to work on them or work with them. I wanted to teach and I love working with people. Now I do bodywork and life coaching and those are really my jam.
Self-Study Questions: What failure are you disappointed in right now? What have you learned from that failure? How has the failure actually helped you?
4. Believe that Good Things Will Happen
If you only think about what bad things might happen, then you will definitely get stuck. Many of my friends and clients get stuck in their worry for the future, myself included. And this is natural. We want to prepare and protect ourselves form the worst. But take care to not over do it.
If you’re taking time to prepare for the worst, then also give yourself time to prepare for the best. Believe in your success because that is just as likely a possibility as failure.
I had a client who was getting stuck in worry about failure of his business. He would worry about not getting any clients or not having health care or having to dip into his retirement savings, etc. But from my perspective, he was already a successful manager in a job he didn’t enjoy, but was great at. So obviously he was a hard worker, smart, capable, and very good with people. There was no reason, that would make me believe he wouldn’t be good at his new business. So I asked him, “Is it possible that 6 months after you start this venture, you’ll have one client?” “Is it possible in 6 months that you’ll have 2 clients?”
Slowly we started to build an idea of what his success might look like and this got him excited, confident and optimistic.
Self-Study Action: Visualize how happy/successful can be. Take 5 minutes to meditate or journal on all the good things that could happen from your risks and hard work. If you don’t know what you want to do, just make it open ended. Think on the feelings you want and the fulfillment you will gain.
3. Develop a Good Relationship with Yourself
Know your dislikes and likes
Know what you’re willing to do and what you’re not
Define your boundaries, keep defining your boundaries
You can’t know what’s blissful for you, if you don’t know yourself well. What’s hard is that we can get caught up in what other people want for us, what society tells us we should think, be and do. So we grow up not really knowing what we ACTUALLY want. What we actually enjoy, and what we actually need.
Find a space where you can truly be yourself without any extraneous thoughts and write down the things you love. Take time to analyze what you don’t like and WHY. When you can understand yourself, you can begin to narrow the field.
I recently went to a going away party for a friend where about 30 people showed up and though I knew most of them and enjoyed their company. I felt anxious. I really just wanted to sit in one place and talk to one or two people. This is my happy place. After leaving this party I felt relieved to get in the car and relax, and I realized. I don’t need to keep doing this. Lol. I can put effort into hanging out with fewer people at a time. I can put effort into getting to know people the way I enjoy, instead of at big parties. So that’s what I’m going to do.
Self-Study Question: What is one thing you force yourself to do, because you have good intentions, but you don’t actually enjoy doing it? How can you change your life, so you get the same outcome but with a more satisfying journey?
2. Know Your Supporters and Reach Out
I didn’t do any of this alone. I have my teachers to thank, my friends to hug, and my parents in gratitude. My family loves me and worries for me. My boyfriend gives me the most emotional support, and my friends can understand where I’m at. Maybe we aren’t going through exactly the same thing you are, but we are here to support you in whatever way we can. We just need to know what you need. Ask for what you need and you will definitely get it.
Also make it a point to know who supports you and who doesn’t. My parents have had a hard time understanding why I gave up a successful career and a six-figure salary for a job that doesn’t require a college degree. And though I know they love me, I can’t make them understand what I’m doing and why. Their way of supporting me, was telling me what to do. So when we talk, we don’t talk about my career. I believe that everyone has good intentions, but not everyone knows how to support you. If someone in your life is making you feel bad about what you know is right, then brush it off and turn to someone who will support you in a different way.
When I would second guess my choices, my boyfriend was always the first one to say. You are doing the right thing. It would make me feel better immediately and then I could gather up the courage to keep going.
Self-Study Action: Find your supporters – the ones who support you unconditionally and are giving you space to find your way.
1. Cultivate Your Intuition
When I quit my job, all I had was myself and my gut feelings. I didn’t have a mentor, nor did I know where I could get one. So instead I turned inward. I had always been drawn to being in service of people: volunteering, helping, donating. And this drive was always inside me, so I studied it. What was it? How can I talk to it more? How can I understand it more?
I found out that it was my intuition. My instinct, my gut feeling. This tool is a muscle you can work, and understand to help guide you to a path that makes you happy. Your intuition is always right, and is always guiding you to what’s best for you.
Everyone has intuition. And everyone has an Ego. These two voices are constantly at battle because your Ego is trying to protect you. But your intuition knows what will make you feel joy. When you learn how to get these voices to agree, is when you can be in line with finding joy.
This topic really is too large to summarize here, but if really my gut has been my key to finding happiness. I HIGHLY encourage you to learn about it and get in touch with your gut. Here are some books I would recommend.
Trust Your Vibes – Sonia Choquette
Blink: The Power of Thinking without Thinking – Malcolm Gladwell
Practical Intuition: How to Harness the Power of Your Instinct and Make It Work for You – Laura Day
Definitely expect a separate post on Ego vs Intuition. And maybe even another webinar. Thank you for reading!
Listen to the Recording Here