It may take a long time for you to understand yourself, but half as much time to change. So in learning you must unlearn or accept what has changed.
Money was always a big deal in my childhood. My parents grew up without much, and then they came to America and spent a lot of time struggling. We never had birthday parties because we couldn’t afford it. We never played little league or sports as kids either because they cost money and time my parents didn’t have. We always compared prices from one grocery store to the next and hardly ever ate out. If we did go out it was to taco bell or another fast food restaurant where meals were cheap. We bought everything we could on sale and always went the extra mile to save that dollar.
For a while after my first job, I was still pinching pennies like my parents taught me and making sure to compare grocery prices. Then I realized, that I can afford the 10 cents difference between HEB and 99 Ranch. And then I realized I could afford many things I didn’t have as a child. Recently I took my parents to Hawaii for vacation and sure it took a little saving, but I could afford that too.
It was a milestone. Our first real family vacation. So I think I can let go of those memories of driving to the farther gas station to save a few dollars or having to rifle through the sale rack to find that cheap shirt. I don’t have to do that anymore. My life is different now. We are better off and I should look forward.
My life has changed in other ways too. Once upon a time, cycling was my life. Many of my friends met me in my cycling prime or have known me through that huge phase and will always associate me with bikes. I would ride 100 miles in a weekend and I even learned how to build up a bike, from the wheels and to the shifters. But now I ride my bike MAYBE once a week just to commute. My road bike hangs in my room under a caked-on layer of dust. I’m ashamed, kind of, but the truth is that I make time for other things now. Riding isn’t as enjoyable as it used to be. So now I don’t do it. I lament in that but if someone asks me to go for a ride, it’s still hard to say no. And I will never ever sell my bike. Ever. The love is still there even though I don’t put my feet to the pedals. I guess you can say my love for bikes has evolved. Haha.
Anyway it’s interesting to reflect on what has changed and why. How my identity is different, but the same. How are you different, but the same?