Friday Richard came with me to meet my Australian friends who were in town. He made fun of me for the divey, hipster bar I took everyone to. He likes the finer things and non-hipster music.
Then saturday he let me take most of the day to clean and organize my room. I bought beads to make kandi for EDC. At night we went to eat at Native Foods and then attempted to see Mad Max. But the LA population took all the good seats so we just met my friends for beers instead. Albert showed me pictures from his trip to Channel Islands and I told Richard we should go. He agreed. I stayed with him Saturday night and Sunday morning we went for a hike with Erica. We taught her how to Instagram and then I met up Chris at he the Getty Villa. We all parted after the museum. I went home and made dinner and Richard came over to eat. He had three helpings and I had two. Potato and Chicken Soup with Wild Rice. The Cavs won against the Warriors in overtime and we cheered.
Then we had a serious talk. The same one we’ve been having and I said we shouldn’t have this talk anymore. The solution is to be apart. And so we parted.
I cried myself to sleep and woke up again and again during the night only to open up more tears.
Last time he brought up the serious talk…I told him that no matter what happened with our relationship I felt like we would always be a part of each others lifes in some capacity. And he didn’t understand that. But he said that he understood that now. I told him I think he cares more deeply for me than I do for him. That I don’t even understand his emotion to be deep. But the way he was feeling yesterday and the things he says sometimes give me that idea.
I myself am unsure about my feelings for him but I also know that this is not the end. Because that’s just how my heart feels.
Today something told me to follow my heart so I will.
Still, the ending was so abrupt.