Before I die I want…

While exploring DTLA we made a trip to the Last Book Store and immediately I felt at home in the sea of books. I don’t give books enough credit for shaping my life. But that is another topic. On my way out I wandered by a book about the Before I die project. A woman named Candy Chang started putting up chalk walls with the words “Before I die I want_______”. Chalk is provided and passersby can fill in the blanks. She has brought this project to 70 countires already. Amazing.

So he asked me, “What do you want to do before you die?”

I thought and nothing surfaced. Then I replied, “I can’t think of anything I would want to do. I could die tomorrow and be content.”

I could die tomorrow and be content. You know sometimes when you don’t fully realize a statement until it’s said. This was that kind of moment for me.

For years I’ve had an inkling that I will probably die young. A sobering thing to know and feel and it always brought me fear and discomfort. I would tell myself that I can’t know and to just keep moving. I tried to read about it on the internet and eventually came to the conclusion that true or not true, there is nothing to be done and so all I can do is accept these feelings and move forward.

Death is a part of life. I don’t believe in final endings. I believe that your soul goes back to the universe and is reborn into a new life only to have more experiences, change people and grow. Now that I know I am ok with dying tomorrow or today. I feel a little freer.

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