Never be like you

What I would do to take away this fear of being loved
Allegiance to the pain
Now I’m fucked up and I’m missing you
Never be like you
I would give anything to change this fickle-minded heart
That loves fake shiny things
Now I’m fucked up and I’m missing you
Never be like you

It was 3 years ago that I fell for a guy and got ghosted all within a 3 month span. And these words have replaying in my head every day since this song was released. It’s funny how you think you’ve moved on, but you haven’t let go of the pain. Only this song made me realize that I’m not holding onto the pain. I’m holding onto the fear of being loved.

I’m only human can’t you see
I made, I made a mistake
Please just look me in my face
Tell me everything’s okay
Cause I got it
Never be like you

How do I make you wanna stay?
Hate sleeping on my own, missing the way you taste
Now I’m fucked up and I’m missing you
Never be like you
Stop looking at me with those eyes
Like I could disappear and you wouldn’t care why
Now I’m fucked up and I’m missing you
Never be like you

After I got over him, I realized the reason he came into my life was to teach me the power of storytelling and expression. Our 15 minute conversations drew me in so deep that I spent the next 6 months crawling back out. And it was sobering to realize that my lack of expression made me seem like smoke to him.

I’m falling on my knees
Forgive me, I’m a fucking fool
I’m begging, darling, please
Absolve me of my sins, won’t you?

I’m still learning that lesson. But he won’t be there to forgive me. I have to climb this hurdle and forgive myself before I can really move on. I’ll never be like you, but I can be a better me.

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